


No happiness for the wicked

by Gab_z



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: (not that it had any chances), Angst, I will sail and sink with this ship, Kaneki shall never be happy, M/M, Unspoken love confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:02:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6365896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gab_z/pseuds/Gab_z
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes your entire world can crumble with only a few words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No happiness for the wicked

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic! :D  
> And it's FuruKane... -_-
> 
> AU in which Furuta doesn't know about the recorder. 
> 
> I'm taking this crack paring waaayyyy to seriously.  
> Anyway, here goes!

"You're a Clown. I can't trust you," Kaneki said in a steely tone, "how can I be certain that you aren't just here for shits and giggles? That's what you Clowns are into after all. Shits and giggles at the expense of others..." The 'me' went unspoken. 

Furuta had never planned on Kaneki piecing together the intricate puzzle that linked him to that specific group of ghouls. It was only a matter of time until his beautiful one-eyed realized exactly who and what he had done. Furuta didn't like not being on top of things, hated not knowing the outcome of situations. He'd gotten so used at playing others that the mere idea of being played went completely over his head. 

At least Kaneki couldn't possibly know the reason why they were partnered up in the first place... Right? V wouldn't be pleased.

Furuta was unsure if he should deny the accusation or confirm it, he wasn't entirely sure how to go about doing either. There was no way Kaneki would believe him if he pleaded innocent—his mask of impassiveness had slipped for a second too long. Admitting would be equally disastrous, if not more so. Furuta found himself at a forked road wherein each path led to an equally horrible outcome—Kaneki would leave him... Or kill him, he really couldn't be sure. 

The atmosphere grew increasingly heavy with every second Furuta did not answer—did not want to answer. Why couldn't things just go back to the way they were before? Before Kaneki knew. How exactly did he even figure it out? He had taken so many twists and turns to specifically avoid identification... He'd been doing it for years. Why did it have to go wrong now? 

"You were only using me, weren't you?" Kaneki breathed, fissures were appearing on his mask of impassiveness. 

Was he using Kaneki? Could one use another without being aware of it? Maybe it had just become a second nature to him. Something he would do without intending to... No, he hadn't been using Kaneki, at least not in the manner the other thought. Everyone had a secret agenda, his was only a tad bit more complicated than your average person's. So was Kaneki's. As of late he has been lying quite a lot at the V meetings. 

["Have you noticed anything abnormal about him?"

"You mean more so than usual?"]

His 'superiors' were ignorant of the fact that Haise—Kaneki—had regained his memories. Or if they knew they made no indications of it. So he kept quiet.  
He had never meant to fall for him, that had never—ever—been in any of his plans. It just kinda happened. And he regretted letting it happen everyday. From day one he knew damn well that it would—could—never end well. It was an impossibility. Furuta had ruined Kaneki's entire life in one fell swoop—was still ruining his life. What he had done was unforgivable. 

Had someone told him moths ago that be would come to regret his actions towards a loner human who was naive enough to follow someone who he barely knew into a construction site—as if that didn't just scream death—, he would've laughed his ass off. Now though... He wasn't quite sure if he should laugh or cry. Perhaps he should do both. Laugh at how much fun it had been and cry for all that could've been. 'Could've been...' really? Who was he kidding, had he not dropped those girders on Kaneki and Rize... Kaneki wouldn't be here at all, he'd be dead or alive and still human and... Not here. That was pathetically selfish but what was he if not selfish?  


What might very well have been an eternity had passed before Furuta finally gave his dreaded answer. One word, one word was all it took to shatter Kaneki's already fragile psyche.

"Yes."

It was short, concise and absolutely devastating. Without even been told Kaneki somehow knew just who Furuta was, call it some sick form of intuition. 

"You're him aren't you?" His voice was dead, not betraying a single emotion, "the one who dropped them."

'Them', the steel beams. 

Furuta's mouth was dry, he couldn't quite seem to get the words he wanted to say out. Kaneki took his silence as confirmation.

"You—," Kaneki clenched his fists till his knuckles turned white, "you... Why!?" The last word came out strangled. 

That hadn't been the most eloquent question Furuta had ever heard but it was one of the most important. Why? Why had he done it? He wasn't sure of it himself and he damn well knew Kaneki wouldn't accept that as an answer. Had he done it for the sake of it or was it maybe because the doctor needed a test subject and Kaneki just so happened to have been the one chosen. He also wanted to put the CCG in a hot spot; how does one deal with an artificial ghoul? Someone who had been born human but no longer was, that raised many moral and ethical questions.

Why... He had done it for fun, because he was bored and it seemed like an interesting thing to do. He had fucked someone's life up because he'd been bored. That was the reason, a reason Kaneki would not appreciate. 

"Get out," the artificial one eyed ghoul said, his voice back to the way it had always been, if only colder, "don't make me repeat myself." It wasn't a request. 

Furuta bowed his head and slowly retreated out of the room, his heart weighed down by what he assumed must have been regret. 

It was only after the soft 'click' of the closing door resounded that reality came crashing down on him. His legs wobbled and he had to lean against the wall to avoid collapsing. A chance at happiness, that was what he had had, well, what he thought he had had... Now it was all gone. Kaneki might've been a mere arms length away but that distance seemed insurmountable. 

With a sense of dread he realized that it was all over. Just over. There wouldn't be anymore outings, he would never be privy to Kaneki's morbidly hilarious puns, never again would he be invited at his apartment. Kaneki wouldn't want to be anywhere near him ever again. And it hurt. 

Hypocrite.

How dare he talk about how much pain he was in when he was directly responsible for a lot of Kaneki's suffering.

Kaneki. His not-quite-but-possibly-could-of-been-lover, he was suddenly glad that he had never expressed his true feelings despite knowing they were reciprocated. That was the worst part—Kaneki felt the same as he did. One sided attraction would of been easy to deal with but when the other sought you out... That complicated things. He had attempted to keep his distance at first but eventually caved. They never dated or confessed their 'love' to each other, possibly because neither had a solid grip on the concept. Furuta knew the word, it's definition and even the signs that indicate that one is under its spell. What he did not know was what to do when in love. Part of him was even convinced that it was all a fluke, that he'd awaken the next day and find out he felt nothing towards his partner. That did not happen. 

He might've remained leaning on the wall across Kaneki's apartment door were it not for a loud crash coming from said apartment. He glanced at the door. He really should get going. Taking a deep breath and placing all of his emotions away into a neat little box in his mind, he walked away. 

But not before hearing sobs.

—————————————————————

Kaneki waited until after the door was closed to collapse. His legs buckled as years and years of lies—Arima and Akira caring for him, having friends, that his mother loved him and so much more—took their toll on him. Why? Why did these things always happen to him... He had almost been happy. Then this happened. 

Furuta had always been mysterious and Kaneki knew he had many secrets but never would he have ever thought that he could of been that clown that he had witnessed when the steel beams had crushed Rize five years ago. He felt betrayed. A sarcastic snicker escaped his lips; how could it be considered a betrayal of Furuta had never been on his side to begin with? 

Something warm rolled down his face and he realized that he was crying. His shoulder shook, his breathing erratic, he was a mess. The facade he kept up so perfectly in public fell to nothingness. 

He was glad that he had never confessed, Furuta would've definitely used his feelings against him. At times he thought he that maybe the enigmatic man might actually like him back... Now, though, with what he had learned from the recorded message... He was certain Fututa was only leading him on. Playing his part as a Clown. 

["Truth that is hidden, no matter what the circumstances... Is often cruel."]

Ironic that another Clown was the one to tell him that... Just how much were the Clowns responsible for? Pretending to be your ally only to they stab you in the back for fun of all things. They didn't need masks, they were perpetually wearing an invisible one. 

That advice was giving to him five years ago and he should've taken it to heart, even if the one to give it to him had been Itori.

Only five years and so much had changed... He had been so different—naive, innocent, weak—back then. He had been idealistic, believed that he could change things. Stupid.

And wasn't he still as weak as ever, crying over the loss of someone he should consider an enemy. 

In a spontaneous moment of intense self loathing he threw the nearest thing—a picture frame containing an image of Haise with the Quinx—to him at the wall. It shattered on impact. 

He truly was pathetic.

Broken. 

Much like that picture frame.

I'm not wrong, what's wrong is the world. How narcissistic of him to have believed that. As if he were better than anyone else. The only person that could truly claim to be flawless was Hide... Whom he had eaten. 

He had eaten his best friend. 

Why had he hoped for happiness? He did not deserve to be happy. Why else would he fall for someone like Furuta if it weren't a sign from a higher power?

When he had first heard Eto accusing Furuta of being a 'Clown of Kanou' he hadn't immediately made the connection, once she mentioned the steel beams, he had. Kaneki had vehemently denied to at first but eventually came to the conclusion that his crush was indeed a fucking Clown. Or at least pretending to be one. Same difference really. 

His accusation earlier was to confirm Eto's accusation. That maybe, just maybe she had been wrong. She hadn't been. 

How was he supposed to face Furuta tomorrow and the day after? Did he have any other earth shattering secrets? Probably, Eto did link him to V. He also had connection with Aogiri... What was he? Some kind of quintuple agent? Where did his true allegiance lie? 

Or he could just be doing whatever tickled his fancy. A man who did what he wanted when he wanted because he could; there are few things more dangerous than that in this world.  
Kaneki came to the sudden realization—one he really should've come to far, far earlier—he couldn't trust anyone, he couldn't afford to... 

And with that, he closed his heart off more than he ever had before. 

Fool me once, shame on you. 

Fool me twice, shame on me. 

Fool me trice... Well, you must be having fun. 

~End~

**Author's Note:**

> Hide might not be as flawless as we all think!
> 
> http://bloodycarnations.tumblr.com/post/141714086599/hideyoshi-nagachika-character-analysis
> 
> It's long but totally worth it (like 3 times longer than this fic...) 
> 
>  
> 
> Spoilers!!!
> 
>  
> 
> Furuta uses 'Thumb attack'! 
> 
> It misses! 
> 
> Clue that Furuta is human? He's done this eye pocky thing before. We know that ghoul's can injure each other even without their kagune, so why else would Furuta aim for the eyes, a ghoul's weak spot? Eh, maybe he just has an eye fetish, I don't know.


End file.
